Get Back Christmas Cheer
by The Invader Androgynous
Summary: The Get Backers in their greatest adventure yet... a cheesey Christmas special. Thrill as they try to get back the stolen toys and save Christmas for the world's girls and boys. Will Ban and Ginji end up on the naughty or nice list?
1. Ginji Tree

A/N: Now, normally I am the most obsessive person about researching what I am writing. However, as you read this story, it will become obvious to you that I did no research what-so-ever for this. I know many Japanese celebrate Christmas, but I'm sure they don't do it in quite the same way as Americans. So why is an American-style Christmas presented here? Mostly, because this is just a short humor story, and secondly because I actually wanted to finish it before Christmas, which likely wouldn't happen if I'd done all the research.

So, my apologizes for this being badly researched. In return, if you care to point out everything I've done wrong, I won't fault you. I'd rather you didn't, but I won't complain.

---

In most of Japan Christmas was a pretty laid-back holiday, barely a blip on the radar. Only children paid attention to the idea that they would soon be receiving gifts that arrived magically overnight, as parents clutched their pocketbooks in agony. Single adults would attend parties where small trinkets may or may not be given. Of course, that was the rest of Japan. For Japan's biggest child-at-heart, Amano Ginji, the festivities were just beginning.

Ban moaned and leaned over the hood of his Lady Bug. "Ginji, you're not going to find a real Christmas tree in Japan… that we can actually _afford_," he pointed out. He glanced sharply at a live tree locked safely behind a glass display. "You don't even have the money for a fake one."

Tare-Ginji made a sour face at Ban. "I'm going to make my own tree, Ban-chan, and you can't stop me!" he replied stubbornly. He had a bent wire clothes hanger in his hands, onto which he kept sticking green-painted pieces of discarded newspapers.

"Your tree smells like garbage," Ban snapped, waving a hand in front of his nose to clear away the smell. "Master is never going to let you keep that smelly thing in his restaurant."

The clothes hanger bent miserably in half, causing Ginji to sigh. "Now look what you've done, Ban-chan. We need to talk positive to make my tree full and beautiful!"

"You've been watching too many badly dubbed cartoons in the department store again, haven't you?" Ban answered. He opened up his cigarettes to find an unexpected surprise in the package. "Ah! Ginji! What is a plant doing in my cigarettes?"

"So that's where I put the mistletoe!" Ginji said brightly, taking the plant out of Ban's carton and hanging it on the antennae of their car. Ban raised an eyebrow suspiciously at Ginji.

"Do you even know what the purpose of mistletoe is?" he asked skeptically as Ginji returned to attempting to straighten out his garbage tree.

"It's a pretty plant you hang to celebrate Christmas!"

Ban sighed. "It's a trap, that's what it is," Ban said, drawing on what knowledge he had gained from his European associates. "When someone stands under it, you run up and BAM! Kiss them without warning."

"That sounds like a fun tradition!" Ginji answered. He trotted over to where Ban leaned up against the car, still grinning in that way that only Gnji could.

Ban smirked, chewing on the end of his cigarette. "I'll be sure to give some mistletoe to Jackal next time we see him."

"Ban-chan, you're mean," Ginji answered, face drooping to the point where he looked as though he had twice as much skin on his face as he actually needed.

Ban pulled poor Ginji's decoration off and threw it into the back set of the small car. "I don't want you hanging a weed from my antennae."

"It's not a weed, it's Christmas mistletoe!" Ginji protested, diving into the back seat to rescue his decoration. "Don't be a… a…" Ginji looked deep in thought for a moment, chewing on his lip as his brown eyes gleamed. "A bah humbug!"

Getting into the car, Ban groaned even louder than he had before. "Scrooge, Ginji. The expression is 'Don't be a scrooge.' It's from classic English literature, you know, a Christmas Carol?" The blank look on Ginji's face told Ban that indeed, Ginji did not know anything about it. This made Ban even more frustrated. "Why are you so determined to have a Christmas if you don't even know anything about it?" he asked as he started up the engine.

Ginji looked down at his scuffed sneakers. "Well… back in the Infinite Castle, the Volts would always exchange presents. Makubex would make a tree for us on his computer, Kazuki and Jubei would bring the music, Emishi would provide the entertainment… this will be my first Christmas outside of the Infinite Castle. I just wanted to make it… special."

A twinge of sympathy pulled at even Ban's tough heartstrings. Of course, he wasn't going to tell Ginji that. Instead, he just reached back and ruffled his best friend's spiky blonde hair. "So this Christmas thing means a lot to you, Ginji?"

"Yep! It was one of the times when I could really just be with my friends without having to worry about being the head of the Volts!" Ginji smiled in response, bounding lightly across the backseat from enthusiasm.

Later, as Ginji resumed dumpster diving in hopes that someone might throw out a Christmas tree, Ban opened his wallet. A starved moth flew out, choking on the dust bunnies. Ban wanted to be able to get something for Ginji that would be better than anything he'd ever received from the Volts, something that would mean more to Ginji than anything else in the world. His empty wallet, however, said otherwise on the matter.

"We should be out looking for jobs, not digging through trash bins on the off-hand chance that someone might have thrown out a tree," Ban argued.

Ginji made a small sound from inside the bin. "I guess you're right, Ban-chan. Hey, what about that big garbage place we went to when we thought the girls had thrown out the briefcase? Do you think someone would have thrown out a tree there?!"

"Ginji…" Ban growled in a low, threatening tone. He had no intent of spending the entire day tree-chasing.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming out." There was a long pause, and then Ginji meekly whispered, "Ban-chan? I'm stuck."

About a half-hour and a stack of garbage later, Ban finally managed to dislodge Ginji from the rubbish bin. Ginji, as childish as ever, just reacted to Ban's absolute rage at having to pull Ginji out of the trash by grinning. He pointed, "Ban-chan, you have a banana on your shoulder."

Ban looked at the rotted peel, and then grabbed it and threw it down at Ginji's feet. "Merry Christmas, Ginji," he snapped, slamming the door as he got back into the car. At least the overhead skies looked like they were threatening rain. That would save him the cash of having to visit a public bathhouse.

Ginji whimpered and kicked the peel away with his foot. "I only wanted to celebrate some Christmas cheer, Ban-chan," he sniffled, getting quietly into his side of the vehicle.

The rain was coming down in sheets by the time they managed to make it through traffic to the Honky Tonk. Ban knew he'd wanted a shower, but this was ridiculous! The pounding rain was bitterly cold, leaving both men shivering as the rain beat against their skin. In the time it took to run from the car into the restaurant they had both practically been treated to a good shower.

Natsumi brought the two soaked men dishtowels from the kitchen, which were good for little more than attempting to dry their hair and faces. At least it was better than nothing, Ban mused as he wiped the droplets off of his dark-purple glasses. His ears caught the sound of the entrance bell tinkling delicately, causing him to drop his towel and look up.

Ban could only stare at the woman who had entered, and knew that Ginji was likely doing the same thing. She had hair as long and blonde as Hevn's, and sharp green eyes. That, however, was not why the two boys were staring at her. She was dressed, you see… like one of Santa's elves, complete with long ears and indecently short green mini-skirt.

"Any port in a storm, miss Elf?" Natsumi asked jokingly, referring to the weather.

"I wish that were true, but I am actually here looking for the Get Backers," she answered, handing Natsumi the remains of a soggy flier.

"That's us!" Ginji said brightly, leaping off the stool.

"What's the matter, did you loose your reindeer?" Ban snickered.

"Ban-chan!" Ginji angrily protested, elbowing Ban in the ribs. They needed the money. Now was not the time to be making fun of clients.

The girl in the elf-costume laughed, but her laugh sounded strained and false. "Actually, I have lost my reindeer, and the truckloads of toys they were carrying." She looked up at them through big false eyelashes covered in green glitter. "Before you think I'm insane, I should explain. I work for the Punkin Toy Corporation. We call our drivers our "reindeer" as kind of a company joke. Several of our trucks of Christmas toys have mysteriously vanished off their routes. They haven't just been robbed; they go entirely missing. The last five trucks to vanish have been carrying toys for underprivileged children. If we don't get those trucks back, those children won't have a happy Christmas at all. Not to mention our worry about what's become of our drivers. Won't you help us?"

Ginji jumped up to immediately say yes, but Ban stuck a hand out to block Ginji's enthusiasm. "What's in it for us?" Ban asked darkly, staring firmly at the elf woman.

"Ban-chan, the children…"

"The children don't pay our bills," Ban replied to Ginji, still looking at the elf. "I'm sure that Miss Elf understands that, working for big business and everything…"

"You will be given a sizeable finder's fee. One that would make any piggy bank burst at the seams," she answered, sliding a slip of paper at Ban. He lifted it cautiously and read off the number on it, face widening into a grin.

"Now this," he said, pushing it back, "is my idea of the Christmas spirit. Consider your case accepted."

The elf, who never actually bothered to tell them her real name, drove the pair to the central dispatch center. The main gates unnerved Ban by playing "Santa Claus is coming to town" to indicate that her ID card had been accepted. Slowly, the car wound its way up to the red and green building as the rain pelted down.

Another man in an elf suit ran out with umbrellas to usher the three safe and dry into the building. Toys of all imaginable shapes and sizes lined the warehouse walls, in quantities that would make any child (or in this case, any Ginji) drool like an idiot with a salivary gland problem. "Ban-chan, look at the transformers! Oooh, look at the toy cars! Baaaaaaaaaaaaan, look! An easy-bake oven! I could eat for weeks with one of those…"

"Ginji, stop it. We're trying to look professional," Ban whispered angrily, quieting the overly enthusiastic Ginji. He was so busy paying attention to Ginji that he didn't notice that the elf had stopped walking. Thus, Ban promptly walked at full speed into the metal building.

After a moment to make sure Ban was okay, the elf gestured to a wall containing photographs and maps. "The pictures are of our drives who have gone missing. The maps mark their routes. You see our problem? No matter who is driving or what route they take, the trucks continue to go missing."

"Sounds like someone in the corporation is leaking information to whoever is jacking the trucks," Ban mused.

"That's what we thought as well," the elf answered, sounding as frustrated as possible. "So we hired a couple of transporters from outside of the company to make a very important delivery for us. They also went missing, and no one in the corporation except my most trusted elves knew that we'd hired them."

"Transporters?" Ban asked, both wanting and not wanting to hear what she said next.

"Hey, Ban-chan, don't we know this girl from somewhere?" Ginji asked, pointing to a picture. Ban looked away from the elf and down at the picture. Immediately, his face lost two shades of color.

"Himiko!" he cried.

Ginji looked closer. "It is Himiko! I didn't recognize her with the hat on!"

Ban angrily turned on the elf. "Tell me she's not one of the missing! Tell me she's not the transporter you hired!" he cried, grabbing the elf by the lapels.

"If I did, I'd be lying," she answered steadfastly. "You know her?"

Ban released the elf, letting the implications sink in. "You have my 100 assurance that we're going to find those missing toys, and we're especially going to find the missing drivers." He paused. "Who was the other transporter?" he asked, almost not wanting to hear the answer to that.

The elf shook her head. "I don't know. I never saw her partner. It's too bad, really. I would liked to have given them both official reindeer uniforms. It's bad for the company image to have employees, even contractors, not displaying the Christmas spirit…"

Ban was grabbing up print-outs of the map off the table. "Ginji, you and I will split up and canvas the areas the trucks went missing…"

"That won't do you any good," the elf argued, grabbing Ban's arm. "What routes have been hit have differed, and what time of night the hits were made hasn't been consistent either. We'll be on the radio with one of our men and then just nothing but dead static, and we don't hear from them again. The only thing that seems to be consistent is that they're targeting any truck that's carrying something valuable." She led them over to a large, shining black truck decorated with fake ornaments and paintings of Christmas lights. "That's why we want you two to ride with one of our reindeer tonight. This delivery is very important to the big Christmas display at our main store. It's too tempting for them not to hit."

"And when we stop them, we'll make them give Hi- the drivers back," Ban said, cutting his statement short. He didn't want it to seem like she was his only concern. After all, if they thought he had a personal reason for doing the job, they might lower his pay.

---

To Be Continued


	2. Holly Jolly

Himiko slowly regained consciousness, eyes fuzzy and head spinning. She had a severe, splitting headache. It felt as though someone had dropped a tire iron repeatedly on her skull. She sat slowly up, trying not to become dizzy or fall over. "Did anyone get the number of Mr. No Brake's truck?" she muttered to herself, rubbing her scalp.

When her head and vision finally managed to clear, she pressed her thin fingers up against the translucent glass of her oddly shaped prison. The world beyond was amazing. Endless rows of toys stretched as far as her lightly colored eyes could see. Bears, dolls, games, video systems, anything she'd ever have wanted as a small child was laid out before her eyes. Seeing as how she was still just a teen, it almost brought a feeling of wishfulness up to her heart.

She shook the feeling away and studied her prison. She seemed to be hanging in mid-air. The clear glass beneath her feet allowed her to see people in elf costumes walking below her. Many were pushing laundry baskets alternately full of toys and what seemed to be computer parts. "Hey!" She called, pounding on the glass. "Oy! What's going on here?" They didn't even so much as glance up at her. "Can you hear me?" she screamed, again with no response. Giving up, she sagged against the red-glass wall of her strange prison. "They must not be able to hear me from there."

"They can hear your fine, Lady Poison. They just choose not to answer," a smooth male voice answered, tone blended with just a hint of cruelty.

Himiko spun around in her cell. "J-Jackal!"

He scoffed, hat pulled down over his eyes. He was leaning up against the wall of a round, green glass cell. It was only when Himiko looked over at her fellow transporter that she realized the nature of her own cell. She was trapped inside a giant Christmas tree ornament! The cell door had even been tailored to look like the gold top of an old-fashioned ornament. "What happened? The last thing I remember, we were in the truck."

"Why would you ask me? I awakened less than a few minutes before you. I was assuming that you would be able to tell me, seeing as how poison gas is your area of expertise."

"I don't think it was poisonous gas that knocked us out. I would have been able to detect it. Even if I hadn't, my breathing techniques would have prevented me from taking in enough to knock me out." She frowned and bit her lip in deep thought. "It wouldn't have been in the cookies or eggnog they served at the center, because you weren't there to eat those…"

"So what did happen, then?" he asked, calm but irritated. He crossed his arms over his broad chest, shifting with annoyance at the indignity of the situation.

"How should I know?" Himiko snapped back, waving her arms angrily. "You were there, why don't you figure it out and tell me?!"

"Come on now, children!" a jolly voice laughed, drawing the attention of both prisoners. "You'd better watch out, you'd better not pout. I'm telling you why. SANTA CLAUS is coming to town!" From the shadows of a black catwalk, an old man in a red, fuzzy, American-style Santa costume emerged. If it hadn't been for the crazed look in his eyes and the hard, angular edges of his face he might have made a perfect commercial greeting card image. "Now, what have we here?" he asked, studying the two. "Not very festive outfits, I'm afraid. Where are your red and greens? You're hardly dressed warm enough for Christmas weather. Didn't your mothers warn you that you'd catch your deaths of cold?"

"They're toy corporation spies, sir!" a man in a full-body plush reindeer costume answered, saluting as best he could with giant fake antlers on his head.

"Spies? Well, that will land you two on the naughty list," the Santa mused, rubbing an obviously fake beard.

"We're not spies!" Himiko angrily disagreed, striking the glass with her fist. "You're stealing the toys intended for poor children!"

The Santa shook his head. "What fire, what spunk this child has. Unfortunately, like most children, she does not understand the world of adults. Oh, my dear, do you know why some children must go without toys in the first place?"

Before Himiko could answer, the Santa slammed a mitten-fist down on the catwalk railing. "Corporate greed! In the new world I am creating, there will be no child without toys! No greed!"

"This guy is fruiter than one of your gift baskets, Jackal," Himiko muttered just loud enough for him to hear. Or, so she thought. The Santa apparently had excellent hearing as he stopped ranting and glared at Himiko.

"Such a lively girl!" he declared as his glare melted into a smile. "She speaks with an innocent lack of understanding of my true goals. She'll make an excellent addition to my empire. Elves!" he shouted, causing several attendants in elf costumes to snap to attention. "Take these spies to the Holly-Jollyfication machine!"

- -

Meanwhile, Ban and Ginji were buried beneath a pile of plush dolls. It wasn't the most comfortable position to be in, but it was surprisingly warm. "This is brilliant, Ban-chan!" Ginji grinned. He was dressed in a giant plush monkey mascot costume, holding a stuffed banana in one hand. "We'll make them think we're toys so they'll take us to where they're holding Himiko-chan."

"Why did I get _this_ costume?" Ban asked angrily. He was wearing a giant, purple plush snake costume. A stuffed red tongue kept falling down in front his face, which was made further annoying by the fact that it took effort to wiggle his hands free and push it away.

"These were the only two costumes Elf-chan had left, and that one didn't fit me." Ginji answered.

Ban grunted, then silenced Ginji. "No talking. We have to make sure they don't find out that we're not toys." As if on cue, the truck suddenly let out a great sigh of air breaks being applied. Toys slid forward with the force of inertia.

"Why are we stopping?" Ginji whispered.

"I hear a train crossing alarm. Now sssh!" Ban hissed, appropriately enough considering the disguise he was wearing.

Without warning, the door to the cab of the truck was thrown open. The driver had just begun to shout when there was a burst of very loud Christmas carol music. The driver let out a cry like a mangled groan and collapsed weakly on the seat, drooling.

As two masked men in elf costumes climbed into the front seats, Ban realized they had been using sonic weapons to stun and render unconscious their prey. They idea was amazingly ingenious. No one would suspect such a thing, let alone a weapon that played Christmas songs when fired. He remained as still as he could, hoping Ginji would do the same, as the elves drove the truck away into the night. Hold on, Himiko. I'm coming to save you, Ban's overly manly ego thought.

. 0 .

Back at the toy warehouse, mechanical hooks had picked up the ornament prisons by their lids and carried them away. Himiko looked up at the transport mechanism, noticing then that her poison belt had been hung around the neck of the giant ornament. Himiko glanced over at Akabane. "As fun as being Holly Jollified sounds, I'm afraid we're going to have to take a sold-out-toy rain check." She pointed to the glass of the prisons. "Dr. Jackal, if you would?"

He smiled at her, eyes closed in upside-down happy V's. "I'd just been waiting for you to ask, Lady Poison."

Glass was no match for Akabane's blades. The second Himiko was freed she grabbed her belt and attacked the row of elves with her slow-motion potion. She jumped to the catwalk of the building, crouched there like a small tiger. "Don't kill them!" she shouted to Akabane, who landed a few feet away from her in a flourish of black coat. "Some of them are the missing toy employees! He's probably brainwashed them!"

Akabane pouted slightly. Himiko has to go and ruin his idea of Christmas cheer, didn't she? He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and dodged, pushing Himiko out of the way in the process.

Himiko could only stare as six candy canes, sharpened to arrow-like points, sailed past herself and Akabane and imbedded themselves in the solid metal walls. "Lethal candy canes?" she cried out in surprise, poisons at the ready.

"We should use lethal force to fight lethal force," Akabane argued, deflecting an incoming candy cane.

"No! We have to save the employees. I- look out!"

The two scattered as pine tree needles, similarly sharpened, pepper sprayed the wall where they'd been standing. As a needle whizzed past Himiko's face, she noticed a strange scent. Not just the scent of pine, but another smell very familiar to her. It smelled like… poison! "Jackal! The pine needles are poisoned! Don't let them hit you!"

Akabane threw up a defensive scalpel shield, protecting himself from the needles. A few managed to go around his shield, but fortunately failed to hit his skin. "Perhaps we should fall back and regroup, Lady Poison?"

"For once, I concur," she answered, noticing a needle that had managed to stick into Akabane's pants. The sheer numbers of projectiles made it impossible for even someone with his speed to dodge them all, and the elves were readying a second volley. "Even bad shots occasionally get lucky!" She turned and fled down a hall, Akabane behind her.

"Pursue them, sir?" one of the reindeer asked.

"She's such a naughty, naughty little girl," The Santa sighed, staring fondly at where Akabane and Himiko had vanished. "Capture her, unharmed. Do as you will with the man. The girl, however…" he sighed romantically, "Will make a lovely Mrs. Claus!"


	3. The Present of Christmas Ghost

"Ban-chan, Ban-chan," Ginji whispered from beneath his plush monkey costume. "The truck is coming to a stop."

"Good. When the elves open up the back to unload the goods, we'll knock them out, steal their costumes, and infiltrate this place."

"You're always so good at coming up with plans!" Ginji smiled, hiding behind a pile of toys.

As things often do for the Get Backers, however, things went horribly wrong. The truck suddenly tilted sharply to the rear. The boys were thrown off their feet and up against the metal doors. Theycried out with pain from first impacting metal and secondly having a semi-trailer load of toys dumped on top of their bodies.

The truck doors opened with one fluid swoop, depositing both Get Backers on a fast-moving conveyor belt. Ginji sat up, rubbing his head. "Ow! Ban-chan, are you okay?"

"Yeah, the costume broke my fall," he answered, wiggling back and forth. "What's that sound?"

Ginji looked towards the source of the sound, eyes suddenly tripling in size. Ahead of them, the conveyor belt lead to a long series of thin, dangerously sharp looking machines. The machines were swooping down, snatching up toys. Ginji could only watch in a combination of shock and macabre interest as the machines slashed open the toys backs, inserted some kind of small electrical device in the back, and then sewed the toys back up in the blink of an eye. It only took Ginji a moment to realize that if he didn't do something, he would shortly be under the machine's grip.

"Ban-chan, we have to get off this belt!" he cried, leaping to his feet.

Ban thrashed around a bit on the belt. "I can't! The fall messed up the lining of the costume; I can't move my arms!"

Ginji tried to grab his partner, but the thick padding of the fake monkey paws prevented him from doing so effectively. The belt continued to move, carrying the two closer and closer towards the machines. "Can you slither for it, Ban-chan?" Ginji asked, worried as he tried to assist Ban out of the costume.

"I'm trying!" he answered. "Oh, to heck with this…"

"No, Ban-chan! Don't-"

Paying no heed, he ripped the costume wide open, grabbing Ginji by the ear of his body suit and jumping off the belt. The two sailed through the air for what seemed like an eternity. Both wondered if it would be appropriate to scream, as they seemed to be falling to their dooms, or whether that would give away their position should they happen to survive. As it happened, luck was on their side. They landed in a pile of stuffed dolls. Or, at least, Ginji landed in a pile of dolls. Ban… landed on a pile of Lego pieces.

Ginji looked at Ban with big, teary eyes. "Elf-chan is going to make us pay for the costume…"

Ban stood up and began picking Legos out of his skin. He'd hit the pile so hard that he was covered in little dots, almost as if he'd come down with some kind of bizarre reverse pox. "After what we're getting for this job, paying for that costume will hardly matter." He brushed out his hair, a few Lego people falling out and hitting the ground at his feet. "Let's hurry and find Himiko and the missing toys and get out of his place. It's giving me the creeps," he said, looking up and the giant wreaths lining the assembly room walls.

"What do you think they were putting in those toys?" Ginji asked, walking alongside Ban as the two snuck into the hallway.

"I wasn't paid to care about that, just to get the toys back," Ban snapped in response, sneaking down the hallways as Ginji waddled after him. "Why are you still wearing that?"

"It's my disguise!" Ginji answered indignantly.

"Well, take it off. We need stealth right now."

Ginji made a sour face at Ban but removed the costume, leaving it behind a potted plant. "Elf-chan is going to make us pay for that costume, too," he said sadly.

--

Meanwhile, Himiko and Akabane were wandering the hallways, looking for an exit. "There has to be a way out if we came in," Himiko muttered under her breath, irritated. Her stomach was growling so loudly that even Akabane could hear it. She hadn't eaten in awhile, and the fact that the walls were gingerbread scented didn't help the matter.

"You know, Lady Poison, this place reminds me of a Christmas version of that cheap American horror movie we rented. The one with the clo-"

"Don't bring that movie up again! I couldn't see a circus for a year afterwards."

"I apologized, Lady Poison. I did not know you were squeamish about scary movies."

"Well, don't bring it up again and your apologies will seem more sincere," she snapped. She sighed and rested her shoulder against the wall. "Wandering around aimlessly isn't getting us elsewhere. We have to think of a plan."

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the building, Ginji looked helplessly at Ban. "Ban-chan, we've passed that same decoration three times. I think we're lost."

"We're not lost, we just don't happen to have a map," Ban answered, looking cautiously around a corner. Not a guard was in sight, so he gestured for Ginji to follow.

As Ginji ran to meet up with Ban, he tripped on something and fell flat on his belly. "Ginji!" Ban cried, running over to his partner. "Are you okay?"

"Mmm," Ginji nodded, looking up. "I just tripped on this present!" he said brightly, lifting it.

Ban rolled his eyes. "Your clumsiness is going to give us away. Now come on, we have to find Himiko before someone finds us."

Ginji shook the present. "There's something inside, Ban-chan!"

"Who cares? Just leave it and let's go. We don't have time to be playing with presents," Ban snapped, heading down the hallway.

Ginji pouted at Ban's back. He shook the present again. He wondered what was inside. There was no name on it, just a tag reading "Do not open until Christmas." Well… what harm could a little peak do? He could open it and follow Ban at the same time.

Making sure Ban wouldn't look back and see him sneaking, Ginji cleverly began to unwrap the present. No sooner had he untied the bow, however, when a thunderous voice cried out "What part of do not open until Christmas don't you understand?" it howled.

Ginji let out a cry as the present burst wide open, growing suddenly larger. When it stopped, it was at least the size and width of Ginji himself. Long, green ribbons draped off the top of the now gigantic present, curling around the white box. It was raised up on the ribbons like a great beast upon four legs.

"Ginji, what did you do?" Ban shouted.

"AAAAIEEEEEEEE!" Ginji cried, diving out of the way as a tendril swung down. It smashed the ground where he'd been sitting into rubble. Ribbons shot out and wrapped around Ginji's ankles, dragging the young blonde back towards the present. The top was open and flapping like a mouth, what appeared to be razor sharp teeth visible inside the box. "TENTACLE MONSTER!" Ginji cried as another ribbon tendril wrapped around his arm.

"Shock it, Ginji!" Ban screamed, deflecting a ribbon that had tried to snatch his glasses.

Ginji nodded. "Right!" He sent a jolt of electricity through the present, causing it to make a violent screeching noise and flail around. A bit of smoke escaped out of the mouth, and in the blink of an eye, Ban realized that it had caught fire.

The present began to go up in flames in mere moments. "Ha, the wrapping paper wasn't flame retardant!" Ban crowed. Ginji waved an arm in a little gesture of victory.

The present, still burning, collapsed onto its side with the ribbon tentacles writhing as the burn consumed it. Within mere moments, it was ashes.

"Wow," Ginji commented, watching it. Without warning, the sprinklers opened up, dousing the two in liquid. Ginji looked stunned for a moment, and then tasted the liquid spurting out of the sprinklers. "Eggnog?" he asked, confused.

"Is everything Christmas-themed in this insanity?" Ban asked, wringing eggnog out of his shirt. "What kind of madman would come up with a place like this?"

"Would you like to find out?" a voice asked over the intercom. "Ho, ho, ho, I spy a couple of bad little boys who snuck into my workshop!" The doors opened up, revealing a good dozen elves holding strangely shaped weapons.

Ban backed up until his back touched Ginji's. "We can take them out," he whispered.

"Right, Ban-chan," Ginji whispered in response. A second later, however, he felt a prick on the side of his neck and the colors of his world began to blur.

Speaking loudly, Ban turned back to face the intercom. "What have you done with Himiko?" he demanded angrily.

"Himiko… oh, you mean the bad little girl we caught earlier? We're taking good care of her. Don't you worry."

"Let her go!" Ban demanded."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. She's integral to my plans, you see."

Ban snarled in response to the answer. "Are you ready, Ginji?" Ban whispered, set to fight. "Ginji?" he asked, turning around. "GINJI!" he screamed, seeing his partner lying on the ground. The elves gripped their weapons tighter. Another elf fired, but Ban easily dodged the attack. "What did you do to him?" he roared, taking out a good half of the elf soldiers in a single sweep.

"Ho, ho, ho, your friend isn't hurt. We just gave him a little something to make him sleep until Santa comes to visit. All little boys have to be in bed when Santa comes, after all! But if you don't stop fighting, I'm afraid he won't get the wake-up cookie, and he'll be dreaming of sugar plum fairies forever."

Ban's hand tightened further into a fist as rage burned in his eyes before he let his fist drop weakly to his side. His head hung, and the remaining elf soldiers surrounded him, weapons at the ready. "Ho, ho. Bring them to me!" the voice over the intercom demanded.

Elsewhere in the building, the intercom began to hum to life. "Attention, my little naughty children. We've got some of your little playmates here." Himiko narrowed her eyes, looking at the intercom. "One has brown hair, the other blonde, and they both look like they've been playing with rubbing balloons in their hair to make it stand up funny. One boy seems to be wearing his father's nice work shirt, and the other one is wearing shorts. In Christmas weather, no less. Poor boy might have caught his death of cold if we hadn't stepped in.

"Ban and Ginji!" Himiko stated in alarm, glaring at the intercom.

"If you don't want anything to happen to your naughty friends, then surrender yourselves," the Santa voice demanded. "I have to make my toy delivery rounds yet tonight, so I suggest you think quickly."

Himiko looked over at Akabane. "That idiot must have come here thinking he could rescue me! Now I'm going to have to rescue him and myself!"

--

Will Himiko be able to rescue Ban? Will I be able to finish this story by tomorrow? Stay tuned for further updates!


	4. The End Arrives

Two guards in Gingerbread men suits walked the hallways, eyes alert, candy cane throwing weapons loaded. Their fingers held tight to the triggers, ready to open fire should anyone threaten Santa's workshop. The pair were diligent in their rounds, leaving no cookie unturned. Ginger and Fred, as the pair were called, were among Santa's finest.

However, they were not among Santa's smartest. As they rounded the corner, they heard a very sweet female voice whistle at them. They spun around, weapons armed, to find Himiko standing behind them, a big red bow on her head. "Hey, boys. You look tasty," she smiled at them, winking.

Fred blushed furiously. "She's making me feel like I'm back in the oven!" he stammered.

"Stay on your guard," the mixed-gender named Ginger shouted. "She's the one we're supposed to capture!"

Fred rubbed his head with one costumed hand. "Wasn't there a guy we were supposed to capture as well?"

As if to answer their question, a Christmas tree came tumbling down on top of the soldier's heads, sending them sprawling to the ground and knocking them both unconscious. Akabane, peering out from behind a giant present box, grinned over at Himiko. "Oh, dear, it looks like someone cut the tree trunk! Whoever could have done such a thing?"

Himiko rolled her eyes, running over to the guards. "Quickly, get their costumes off and help me tie them up!" she said, handing scotch tape and ribbon to Akabane. Within a few moments, the pair had reduced the guards down to their skivvies and stuffed them into a closet, bound tightly in gift wrap.

Himiko slipped into one of the costumes, zipping it up. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking over at Akabane.

"I can not fit into this," he insisted, looking pitifully at Himiko.

Himiko adjusted her costume. "I see what you mean. This is barely big enough to fit me, and the other one is pretty much the same size." She looked down at the weapon. "But I've got an idea."

She loosely bound Akabane's hands behind his back with gift wrap, in such a way that the restraints only looked as though they were capable of holding him. "There, now I'll say I've captured one of the spies and they'll take me straight to Santa. Then we can make him tell us where Ban and Ginji are!"

Akabane gave her a glance that indicated he was skeptical of her idea. "It is your plan, Lady Poison. I am only along for the ride."

She walked him over to an intercom and pushed the button. "This is… Ginger…" she said, reading off the nametag she was wearing. What a stupid name for a gingerbread man. "I've captured the male prisoner. Send someone to help escort him to the big jolly man."

---

Up in the main room of Santa's workshop, Ban and Ginji sat on the floor. They were rested in front of the fireplace, bound tightly in packing tape and gift wrap. Ban had been quietly attempting to wriggle free since they'd been brought there, but without any luck.

"Ginji, can you generate an electric field and draw those scissors over to us?" he whispered, struggling against the bonds. It had to be some kind of special reinforced tape, the way it refused to give.

"Scissors aren't attracted to magnets," Ginji answered pathetically. His legs were entirely wrapped in tape, and considering that he was wearing shorts and happened to have some volume of leg hair, he was sincerely NOT looking forward to attempting to remove the tape.

The door to the room opened and the Santa waddled in, followed by the guards in reindeer costumes, and… the elf who had hired them. The Get Backer's jaws nearly dropped in unison. "You were the inside agent!" Ban cried. If he could have, he would have pointed an accusing finger at her.

"I'm surprised. You two looked dumb enough for it to work, but I had almost expected the girl transporter to see through my ruse," she smiled.

"Why… why did you hire us if you're stealing the toys?" Ginji asked, wearing an expression of shock.

"To keep my bosses from becoming suspicious," she purred.

The Santa smiled. "I'm sure these boys are wondering about Santa's grand scheme, but we have to wait for their little friends to get here first." He looked down at his watch. "She should be here any second now."

With that, the door opened and Himiko, still wearing the gingerbread suit, was pushed out onto the rug. She let out a cry as she landed, a reindeer holding a candy cane weapon to her head.

"Himiko!" Ban cried, leaning forward to see if she was okay. He leaned too far and ended up falling face-first into the carpet, which didn't feel particularly good.

The Santa laughed. "Your ruse was clever, but as you can see, Santa Claus knows when you've been bad or good."

Ban managed to wriggle himself back into a seating position. "Himiko, are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she answered, glancing back at the reindeer holding a gun to her head. "But Jackal…"

"Akabane's here?" Ginji squeaked, trying to squeeze behind a present and hide.

"They figured out that we were trying to pull a trick on them. We tried to get away, but…"

In her mind, Himiko flashed back to herself and Akabane standing at the door, waiting. The door had slid open to reveal about twenty fully armed men in reindeer costumes. In the nanosecond before the reindeer had opened fire on them, Akabane had broken the bonds and pushed Himiko into a wall. As she'd impacted the wall, the last she'd seen of him, he'd had candy canes pierced into his back and arms, an army of reindeer dog-piling on top of him. Then, before she'd really known what was happened, she'd been snatched up and dragged to Santa's control center.

She returned to the present reality as Santa pushed a button, causing a huge projection image of mothers fighting over a toy. "Greed!" He declared, waving his arms. "This blessed holiday of goodwill and joy on Earth has been turned into a time of greed. Parents fighting to get children who deserve nothing but coal the top of the line toy so they can brag about it! Poor children going without food, let alone presents, as other children throw out half their presents because they don't want them!" He stomped down. "This isn't what Christmas is about! This isn't what the original Santa would have wanted!" he screamed.

The elf patted his arm and he calmed down, the bulging vein in his forehead reducing in size. "Thank you… thank you. Think about what a place Earth would be if every day were molded in the true image of Christmas. Giving instead of selfishness. Kindness to all men. The excitement of innocence, and children on their best behavior. International disagreements would be solved over cookies and milk." He walked over and pulled the cloth cover off a model. "This is why I've created the Holly Jollyfication machine! Tonight, at midnight, I will appear at Tokyo tower and broadcast the beam of the machine over all of Tokyo. I have implanted amplifiers in all the toys I've given out to children this holiday. The amplifiers will allow me to spread my message throughout all of Japan, and then with Japan behind me, the rest of the world! Mankind will live in harmony and the spirit of Christmas, and I will be their KING!" he announced, proudly thumping a mitten on his chest.

He looked down at Himiko. "And, of course, a king needs a queen," he smiled. "A spunky woman like you will make a beautiful Mrs. Claus!"

The elf suddenly looked crestfallen. "But Santa, I thought… I…"

"Oh, don't look so upset. You'll always be my right hand elf! But what I want in a partner, I don't want in a wife. Imagine how hard of a time I'd have running my kingdom if my prime minister kept running off because she had to bake cookies and tuck the kids in bed!"

The elf looked down at her curled shoes. "I… I understand… Santa…"

He patted her shoulder. "I knew you would."

"You're mad!" Ban shouted, interrupting the touching moment. "This Holly Jollification machine will never work! It's pure sci-fi!"

Santa turned off the projected image. "It won't, will it?" He picked up a tree-topper shaped microphone. "Bring me the test subject."

In a few moments, the door slid open, and two elves escorted Akabane back into the room. Himiko, Ban, and Ginji let out collective gasps of shock. His outfit had turned entirely red, white fur trim on the edge of his sleeves and flowing trench coat. His hat, which had also turned red, had a white fur puff hanging down the back and white around the brim. He maintained his usual white gloves, but they looked as though they were not made of fur instead of latex. His eyes were blank and he stared straight ahead.

"Tell me, who is your leader?" he asked.

"You are, Santa Claus," Akabane answered dully, his voice reduced down to monotone.

"And what do you value more than anything else in the world?" the Santa asked.

"The Christmas Spirit," Akabane answered, not blinking.

"What… what have you done to him?" Himiko squeaked, alarm in her eyes. The Santa reached up and picked her up by the back of her costume.

"The same thing I'm going to do to you, and the rest of the world." He answered, smiling.

"Let her go, you bastard!" Ban snarled, trying to leap at the Santa despite being bound. In one swift moment, Akabane had blocked him, razor-sharp glowing green Christmas trees held between his fingers.

"You may not sit on Santa's lap without permission," he answered, voice and eyes blank, holding the tree-blades to Ban's throat.

"Oh, he's a cute one," the elf smiled. "I might just keep that one for myself!"

"I'll make him your present when we return. For now, we have to go to Tokyo Tower to initiate our plans." Santa turned to Akabane. "You keep these two restrained here. I will let Mrs. Claus personally Holly-Jollify them when we return," he grinned wickedly. He turned to his reindeer guards. "Bring her to my helicopter!"

The guards nodded and dragged Himiko off. "Ban…" she whimpered in protest as she was pulled from the room, leaving Akabane alone with Ban and Ginji.

Ban looked at Ginji. Ginji looked at Ban. "We can take him," Ban mouthed silently.

"Ban-chan!" Ginji cried in return to Ban's comment. He turned around in time to see the Christmas trees slicing down at him. The blades cut within centimeters of his face, dicing open the wrapping paper binds. With a yawn, Akabane flicked a bunch of tree-blades over at Ginji, similarly slicing open his wrapping paper binds.

"Akabane… san?" Ginji asked, confused.

"I was not really Holly Jollified," he answered, assisting Ginji to his feet. "I merely had to suffer the indignity of having my clothing stolen. We should hurry now and rescue Lady Poison."

Ginji rubbed his legs, wondering if they would ever stop hurting. A few tears of pain ran down his face from the removal of the tape. "But if the Holly Jolly machine doesn't work, Himiko-chan will be safe."

Akabane reached up and pulled on his lower eyelid. "It did not work on me because the machine uses flashing red and green lights to hypnotize its victims, and I am red-green colorblind. I could not see the image. But for someone like Himiko-chan, who has a working copy of her X-chromosome…"

Ban threw off what remained of the ropes. "For once, I agree with Jackal. Let's Get Back Himiko!"

"Let's Get Back Christmas!" Ginji declared, pumping an arm in the air.

The three escaped Santa's office and tore down the hallway. "I don't get it," Ban shouted back to Ginji. "Where are all the guards?"

"They must have all gone to Tokyo Tower with Santa!" Ginji answered.

"That means that getting to them before midnight will be all the harder," Akabane answered, trying to read the map that he'd snatched from Santa's office. "The helicopter landing pad is this way."

"Let's go, we might be able to catch them before they take off," Ban declared, taking the lead.

They arrived on the landing pad just in time to see the helicopter lift into the sky. They tried to run after it, but even the fastest of the three couldn't catch something that went straight up into the air. Ginji, pausing, looked over the side of the building. "That's where everyone went!" he cried.

Akabane and Ban ran to the side of the building. A massive convoy of trucks was leaving the building, truck after truck. "Those must be the amplifier injected toys!" Ban hissed. "We have to stop as many as we can from leaving the building.

Akabane looked around, then spotted a giant candy cane prop. He lashed out with his weapons, slicing through the metal restraints holding the prop. With a sickening noise like the grinding of metal, the candy cane toppled over and into the path of the truck convoy. Several trucks smashed into it, causing a massive pile-up down below. "That will at least slow them down," he said.

"But now WE have no way of getting a vehicle out of this place to chase them!" Ban screamed at Akabane.

Ginji looked across the rooftop. "That's… not entire true, Ban-chan."

The two looked over until their gazes met Ginji's. There, sitting on the roof… was a sleigh hooked up to what appeared to be several rocket-powered mechanical reindeer. "Oh, no we don't!" Ban shouted, waving his arms in a gesture of antagonism.

"If you want to rescue Lady Poison, it seems we have no other choice," Akabane pointed out.

Ginji ran over to the sleigh, Akabane following. "It doesn't look hard to operate!" Ginji shouted. Ban sighed in resignation and joined the other two in the sleigh. "See? We just push the start button," he said, one hand on the steering wheel.

"Ginji, wait, I'm not belted iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!" Ban screamed as Ginji pushed the button with all his might. Rockets blasted from beneath the reindeer, shooting the sleigh off the roof and into the night sky. Ban went flying towards the back, screaming as he anticipated being thrown to his doom.

Akabane barely managed to reach out and grab Ban's pant leg in time, holding onto the sleigh himself by sheer virtue of the fact that he'd firmly embedded his scalpels in the seat like a cat using its claws to hang on. Ban continued to flail in the air as he was whipped and tossed about by Ginji's inability to drive a sleigh in a straight line. Akabane grunted, trying his best to hang onto Ban's pants. "Friends don't let friends drive rocket-powered sleighs drunk!" Akabane shouted, referring to the weaving way Ginji drove the sleigh across the night skies of Japan.

"Look, mommy!" a little girl on the ground shouted. "It's Santa's sleigh!"

The mom looked up, confused. "Has Santa… been having milk and sake?" she asked.

Back up in the sleigh, Ban heard a tearing noise that sent his heart sinking into his stomach. His pants were giving out from the force of being whipped around so much. It wasn't just that his pant legs were giving out, either. The button at his waist was straining against the fabric, ready to pop at any second.

"There's Tokyo Tower!" Ginji informed Akabane. "But I don't know how to land!"

"Do I look like I can drive a sleigh?" Akabane answered, still holding onto both Ban and the sleigh for dear life.

"HANG ON, BAN-CHAN! I'M GOING TO TRY TO CRASH US GENTLY!" Ginji shouted.

Right at that moment, Ban's pants gave up the ghost, the crotch and waistband tearing wide open. There was a moment when Ban seemed to hang in mid-air, taking in what had happened, before he plummeted downward. Fortunately, he landed on a beam of the tower after falling a short distance. Unfortunately, he now lacked pants.

"I'm glad I wore boxers instead of briefs today," Ban moaned, rubbing his head. He looked up at the sleigh, crashed in pieces in the metal beams above. "Ginji, are you okay?" he shouted, worried.

"I'm fine!" Ginji cried for elsewhere. Ban looked up to see Akabane and Ginji sitting on an overhead beam, what remained of his pants resting between them. "Akabane-san and I jumped before it crashed, but your pants…" Ginji meekly held them up. They had been neatly shredded in two, and were thus unwearable.

Ban grunted. "Great, just great. Well, we don't have time to worry about that! We have to save Himiko!"

Above, Santa looked down at the destroyed sleigh and turned to Himiko. She was tied to a beam, a green stocking cap with tassel on her head and an uber-short fluffy green skirt over green leggings. Her top was green velvet with a bust line far shorter than anything she would have voluntarily worn and big, puffy sleeves. "It seems your naughty playmates have come to try to stop me. No matter. My reindeer men will get them before they can interfere with my plot." He looked down at his watch. "Ten minutes until the world is bathed in the spirit of Christmas peace!"

Akabane, Ban, and Ginji ran up the stairs. Ban looked down at his watch. "Nine minutes until that whack job takes over the world!"

Akabane looked up. "Those giant billboards must be intended to transmit his message. We have to take out those billboards, the transmitter, and rescue Lady Poison."

"Ginji," Ban ordered, "You take out the transmitter with your electric abilities. Jackal, you take the light billboards. I'll rescue Himiko."

"That is a fine plan, but who is going to beat them?" Akabane asked, pointing to three men in reindeer costumes. The would-be rescuers barely had time to scatter before the reindeer fired on them with the poison Christmas needles. "Do not allow those to hit you, they are poison!" Akabane warned as he dodged.

Ginji whimpered as one struck his shoe, but didn't hit his foot. "There's too many of them!" he cried.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this one!" Ban informed Ginji. "You two get up there and take out that transmitting system!"

"Ban-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" Ginji cried as Akabane grabbed him by the back of his neck, dragging him up the tower while Ban faded in the distance.

The reindeer laughed. "You can't defeat us by yourself," the lead reindeer smirked.

"Oh, I can't, can I?" Ban asked, touching his glasses.

In a moment, he was racing up the stairs as the reindeer dreamed of visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads. Of course, they weren't having visions of sugarplum candies. No, they were having visions of strippers dressed as sugar plum fairies, as evidenced by the amount of drool they were giving off. They were drooling so much that the drool froze into ice on the beams they were standing on. Unexpectedly, they slipped on the ice from their own drool and plummeted into the darkness of a Tokyo night.

Ban, gasping, arrived on the platform where Santa, the elf, and Himiko were. "Himiko!" Ban shouted.

"Ban!" Himiko answered, sounding relieved.

"You!" the elf and Santa gasped in unison.

"Never mind that," Santa growled. "You are too late to stop my plan, even if you have made it this far!"

He reached down and pressed the button, sending a wave of Christmas over Tokyo. The world was brainwashed in a second, and a new era of Christmas began. Every day was Christmas! At first, it was kind of nice, and everyone was happy. Then the stores began to close because retailers couldn't stand to remain open at Christmas sale prices. Mail was never delivered, as it was always a holiday. Children grew fat from milk and cookies, and their minds grew dull from being out of school for the holidays. People, having lost their jobs from the effect of the sales on the economy, gave their last pennies to the poor only as they went to stand in bread lines themselves.

Santa looked out over his kingdom, eyes filled with shock and horror, as children looked dully down at their toys. "I have so many, I don't want to play anymore," he declared, throwing away his duck.

"I miss my teacher," one child sniffed.

"I'm so tired of milk and cookies I could puke," another child threw in.

"No… NO! This isn't my Christmas world!" the Santa cried. "My Christmas world is full of love, and peace, and goodwill to men on Earth!" he shouted.

"Christmas used to be special when it only came once a year, but now that it's all the time… I just don't care anymore," a woman standing near the children declared.

"No… you have to care! It's Christmas!" Santa shouted.

"More cookies, dear?" the Christmas-clad Himiko asked. She, however, had ballooned out to grotesque proportions.

"What… what happened to you, my beautiful bride?" he asked.

"Well, I have to finish all the cookies and milk you don't eat so the kids won't be disappointed, don't I?" she asked, thudding her 400-lb body about. "And since it's always Christmas, all the gyms are closed for the Holidays."

"No…" the Santa whimpered. "No… no… noooooooooooooo!"

"Just one minute!" a voice proudly declared, and the image of a nightmare Christmas shattered about him. He looked up from where he had been crouched, trembling. Ban and Himiko stood in front of him, Himiko holding her dress down. Akabane and Ginji sat up in the beams, holding what remained of the wires from the dismantled hypnotism set. The elf lay on her side, temporarily knocked unconscious.

"My… my Christmas world wouldn't be like that!" he shouted.

"Oh?" Ban asked. "Haven't you ever heard the expression that you can have too much of a good thing?"

The Santa sank to his knees, defeated. "You… you're right. I loved the magic of Christmas so much that I almost destroyed it. You have shown me the true joy that comes from Christmas coming only once a year." He sniffed and wiped a tear. "Thank you, Get Backers, for showing me the error of my ways! I know now what I was missing from my Christmas joy. I can try to make the world a better place without taking over it." He stood up, still sniffling. "Now, let's go get those toys to needy children!" he declared.

As Santa rushed off to set things right, Himiko looked up at Ban. "Don't you think this thing ended a little… too perfectly?"

"Perhaps," Ban mused.

"Hey," Ginji cried. "It's snowing!"

Everyone looked up to see little white flakes floating their direction. "Hey, it IS snowing!" Himiko smiled. "What a perfect ending to the night. I'm going to try to catch it on my tongue!"

She did, then made a funny face. "This snow… tastes… different."

Ginji caught one on his tongue and also made a face. "She's right. It's not bad, but it's… not snow, either."

Akabane tried a taste, as did Ban. "This is mozzarella cheese!" Ban declared. "The ending was so cheesy, that it's falling from the sky!"The four stared up into the sky, wondering if the proper response at the moment would be to just enjoy the beauty of a night sky filled with grated cheese, or to make a cheese man, or to attempt to gather up as much as possible for later eating.

The End

Meanwhile, somewhere down below, a bunch of carolers were crushed by a falling block of brie. No one missed them.


End file.
